Unsent letter
by JellicoCat
Summary: End of season 2, after graduation, before Veronica heads off to college. Lamb is penning yet another letter to Veronica and has a lot on his mind. Too bad he never had the guts to tell all of this to her face.


VM fan fic -

MC: Don Lamb

Taking place: End of season 2, after graduation, before Veronica heads off to college. This would be the letter, if the Airplane/Beaver thing did not happen that night. Instead - it was just another night, like any others, down in Neptune.

"Dear Ronny,

This letter, like so many others, will never reach you - for the obvious reasons. I've written many of these, sometimes once a week, sometimes every other day. I'm sure you that your first response would be, should you ever find out about them, is that "Oh, Don, I had no idea you knew how to write! I thought that you had your underlings fill out reports for you,"

I just know how you would say it too - with that semi-smile, that can melt a block of titanium, and your head inclined just a bit. Then you would dismiss me and walk off into your life.

Have you no idea? For a master PI (I'm sorry hon, your daddy's got nothing on you - you are the brains of the outfit), you are definitely a blond in some things. Have you ever wondered why I tend to show up the fastest when you are involved in yet another scrap? Like the time you got held up by that crazy ass janitor - Oh, I so damned wanted to be the knight in shiny armor - just once! I had to stop myself from running red lights, just to get there first. For once! But no, daddy was there to rescue you.

The day you broke into Manning's home to help a kid? The emergency call did not say who it was, but they only had to say - a blond female teenager, and I knew it had to be you.

Yes, I'm a lousy cop, you got me. Have you ever wondered if I wanted to be a sheriff? Sure, I liked working for the department when your dad ran things - he knew his stuff, following orders was easy. But no, they made me the sheriff. The power? Yeah, its nice, but you know what really sucks? Making decisions for others. Decisions that affect people's lives. Decisions that you have no idea how to make. I was green when I came to the department, but your dad did a great job schooling me. I was a good follower. But I was no way ready to be the sheriff, and I must admit, I should have declined. Maybe would have gotten run out of town as well. But saying "Yes" was easy. A raise, a new office, and a handful of underlings...And your hatred...

And then there is you, the ever-present, smart that its really frightening, and so damned hot. And so damned young. Yeah, I treated you like dirt, but you have to admit, you threw the first gauntlet. Or maybe me, I don't remember now. All this drinking does wonders for the memories. Don't do it, kids!

There you were - an unfair victim. Yeah, I heard how people talked about you. At first it didn't matter, I was hoping that being the sheriff I could still be your friend. That I could rescue you. Then you came to me with that rape story - I admit, I did the wrong thing. I was pissed. Pissed at you, that you put yourself in this position..in danger..pissed at myself even more - that I am a worthless badge-wearing, uniform-donning, nothing, who has NO idea what to do. All my training - out the window. All I could see is you, imagining you being hurt by some punk who's not old enough to...And I could not rescue you. Not from the back-stabbing bastards who used to kiss your father's ass just a year ago, not from even the punks that I could flatten with one good punch.

Yeah, I did the wrong thing. I knew it then, that there was no way back. I'm not asking for your forgiveness for that.

So, there you were - someone I just wanted to cradle, someone I wanted to be proud of me - living your life, becoming more and more sarcastic towards me. Did you ever think that you hurt my feelings every time we met? Do you have any idea how many times I could have arrested you and did not? How many things I let slide? Watching you go off with one boy after another. One of my deputies. I think that hurt them most - was it the uniform? Yeah, say it, honey - I'm a bitter old man.

Of course you don't know about any of this. I'm the no-brains sheriff, who can't do anything right.

By the way, the reason I decided to arrest Eli at the graduation - well, honey, that would be the only excuse for me to actually see your graduate. You were not going to send me an invitation, were you?

Didn't think so. So, here we are - me, sitting in my office at 2 am, downing shots of whatever swill this is, hoping that the next day will go by without me having to show the world what an "incompetent jackass" I am. Or maybe, you will walk into my life before leaving Neptune. Is it too much to ask to have you insult me to my face just once more?"


End file.
